With this low I’ve been feeling the last few days comes with it a need for distraction. I’ve been play fighting more, sorting things then resorting, and drawing a lot. Anything for a kick I suppose, anything other than feeling like crap. Then when times come that I’m in the actual present and faced with the truth of how low I’ve gotten I freak at my sad thoughts and start something else. Any distraction.
This is also a distraction. Yesterday wasn’t but today is.
Makes me wonder if that’s part of being an adult. Which is scary. Its something I’d like to think about and question but I fear going too deep when there’s so much negativity in me already.
Is distraction good? Is it helping? Maybe. It’s the only reason I’m functioning so possibly distraction is the best thing.
Regards to drawing lots, I haven’t drawn in years, no idea where this need has come from. My internet went out when I really needed it, this particular time.
Tomorrow is a new start, literally for me. I’m trying this new thing where I don’t tell myself I’m going to be fine, I tell myself I’m going to be anxious – because I really am going to be. Repressing it does nothing. Lets see.