Bad habits

I get bored with entertainment easily – isn’t that a sign that I should stop searching for something to entertain me and instead do something productive?! But no, I carry on scrolling through YouTube, I keep looking, consider Netflix but know that I would get sucked into a program for hours, so I scroll YouTube again hoping to find something remotely interesting, not realising I’ve been doing that for hours instead. Why?

I’m in such a habit with my obsession with YouTube being fine. I don’t watch TV though, so I rationalise it by thinking it’s just like someone flipping channel to channel. It is, but it’s still something I don’t like about myself. Watching videos is like my down time, but I need to make a new habit of when I feel that restlessness to just stop and do something else. That is exactly what has just happened now and why I’m writing this post. I said no to myself, and opened a blank page to just ease myself away. To let that need in me calm down.

just no

I assume when people get addicted to social media it’s like this? I know they get validation from how many likes, or whatever, they get, which I can’t relate to with YouTube. I can understand it with blogging maybe. When starting your own blog, or anything like this, I think you have a choice of whether you keep to your authentic self or get wrapped up in how many views and likes you get – and that dictates your content. I also think it’s hard not to think that’s the most important part, isn’t that why you have a blog, for people to see and like it? I get that. I don’t have that hold with blogging, or social media, but YouTube, that damn YouTube has a hold on me. Vice grip.

I find the people I follow fascinating. It inspires me. Downside? Can stop me doing cool stuff but just watching it.

Ever heard that if you tell people your ideas and they validate you, that is often enough satisfaction for you to not actually go through with the idea? So people wonder what’s more productive; keeping ideas to yourself or sharing them. I’ve definitely seen that in action with people around me, telling me something that is brilliant to them and they want to do it, then we chat about it, and then… nothing. On to the next one.

Well, maybe watching videos is the same. Other people are living the dream so I don’t have to. I get enough satisfaction watching someone do something I want to do that I don’t do it.

Life isn’t boring. It’s just that the internet is so stimulating.

Personally, I’m just going to make a conscious decision to rein it in a little. I’m not going to put pressure on myself, I think I’ve naturally been doing it anyway without saying the full sentence or declaration in my head. Could be because spring is here, could be because my mental health is improving. Whatever it is I’m going to carry on with it and concentrate on getting satisfaction from myself.

And now that sounds like an unintentional masturbation joke.


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