Does Cologne smell nice?

You’d think with 3 years of German lessons little bits and pieces would come back to me, but no. It took me 2 days to remember (and someone saying it) that ‘guten tag’ is hello.

It’s mad that they all speak English, or broken bits of English, and we completely rely on that. I assume it’s a requirement to speak English to work in the popular places, even in the supermarkets or McDonalds, for no extra money. Then there’s us who go on holiday and hope they’ll speak our language, and take 2 days to remember how to say hello.

James even forgot we were in Germany when a waiter asked if we want 2 more beers and he replied with ‘non’ rather than ‘nein’.

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Counted 50 wind turbines today as we zoomed past them, and there was definitely more. Luckily we can only count up to 50.

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I’m so surprised how similar the fashion and style is to England. When I lived in Malta it was so different and they’d openly tell me that I dressed weird. I assumed it’ll be the same situation but that was 6 years ago, we are all a lot more connected now. No more kilts, lederhosen and clogs, it’s been replaced with Nike, Zara and Primark.

Also, turns out TKMaxx are exactly the same everywhere. Except I saw a lady shopping with her dog. I was hoping for something with German words on but apparently people in Germany shop for things with English words on. But hurrah for German shops keeping the up escalators together and the down ones, unlike England that makes you walk through the whole store.

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I almost wet myself in the centre of Cologne. This has happened a few times now. It’s not a water infection, it’s just drinking beer everyday and thinking I can just hold on for a little longer. While desperately searching for a toilet on my own, as James was in the pharmacy, I was thinking that I will even go into a shop and fake that I’m pregnant. My bladder was big enough for proof. I did pack a she-wee but that requires a bottle or bush and I haven’t got the balls or boobs (literally both) to do that yet. James gave it a go in the car and it went slightly wrong.

We sent both parents a text saying ‘heading to Cologne, bet it smells nice.’ Neither of them commented on it.

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James’s wise words;

‘We could have had a baby with this money we’re spending, but instead we decided to waste our money on Europe. Just as England is leaving.’

‘European jeans.’

‘Wasps don’t do anything, they’re just c**ts. They wasp around being pricks.’

‘Straw in the beer for the lady.’

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Had a spot of rain today. It seems to be a bit like Florida with the rain being over in 10 minutes, and then sun. We came out of Lidl and it was pouring down. Assuming it’s like England, it’ll pour down for the rest of the day. James rushed back to the hotel to get the car so he could drive back to me (I wasn’t wearing my waterproof jacket) for the shopping. By the time he got back to me the sun was out. Very weird. I could laugh about it, but I wasn’t the one who got wet.

The winds were pretty strong too, and my leggings, which are gathering a few holes in now, weren’t cutting it. We are thinking of popping into primark in Cologne centre to pick up some more, hoping I can understand those sizes unlike the places we looked in today. James has also planned for us to go shopping in a haribo shop in Bonn. Other than getting my little brother some, this does not excite me being a vegetarian. We saw some haribo in Lidl and I said ‘look it’s going to be just like this at the other shop’, and he’s reply was ‘let me do something I want for once!’ Shocker, right?! We have this on going joke that I forced him to go on this road trip, because that’s what my Mum thinks. She has even messaged us asking if James can keep up with me. Who do you think I am, Mum?! Some kind of monster?!

Ran a hot, steaming bath when we got to our hotel in Cologne. Sounds wonderful doesn’t it? Alas, it was for our dirty washing. Added a tablet and popped a few bits in. We have four radiators in this place and we have upped them all to 5 in hope that our pants can dry over night.

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Germany is wunderbar though. Thank you Google. What would we do without you? Even though we didn’t think to look up how to greet people. We just don’t think sometimes.

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