This week on whybut has been different. At first it annoyed me, not going to lie, but turns out how I want to be and how I am are two very different things.
I want to be clear headed 24/7 and able to do all the things I want, but I simply can’t.
I get low, then I get extremely happy, and then back down etc etc. And along with the ride I get so frustrated, I hate the numb days, I hate hopelessness, I want to be something else.
*You’re never going to be someone else*
It’s too complex to go into, plus I can’t be asked.
I’m just being my own best friend, that’s all. And I love to comfort her with Sky Arts Landscape Artist of the Year and Jonathon Creek.
I obviously want to continue to fight the depression and anxiety, but I still need to be at peace with it – some days I can climb over it and sometimes I need to stay on the mountain and make it my home. It can’t be a negative anymore because it’s been years and years now and I should just accept it’s part of my path.
I have depression. I HAVE DEPRESSION! That’s fine.
Anyway, less suppression, more acceptance. That’s been my week.
Along with it I’ve realised I can’t write out do to lists for future days, or plan it because when that day comes my mood might not want to do it – and I don’t need guilt on top of other negative feelings.
So this week my book has turned into an essential part of my working, but not with words – more like a pallet or backdrop.
Still successful. I did stuff that was under each category – lifestyle, work and personal.
I made these wonderfully, weird penguin acorn caps, which I will be turning into baubles and will be up on my etsy soon.
I also finished these two photo wall hangings – after the other two selling – and they are up on my etsy shop.
Other than that my bedroom is a shit hole, I’ve forgotten to clean my teeth today and I’m treating myself to a takeaway pizza tonight. Yipeeeee!