Thoughts on how I’ve embraced positive quotes

I’ve been quite open and honest with my mental health on here in the past, and with everything else in my life, I just go through phases of how much I tell people. At the moment I’m pretty quiet, which I’m not sure is better because do people assume I’m ‘cured’ because I’m not showing it as much? Does that even matter?

Even so, I may be screaming on the inside, just like others are, but I don’t feel like doing that on the outside.

This may be in relation of whether I allow my depression and anxiety to consume me or whether I’m fighting it more. Fighting in the sense of accepting when I feel crap but surrounding myself in happy things.

I have never been one for quotes, and more specifically positive quotes, they just felt.. fake. I hate fake and it felt like I was lying if I were to have something like that around me. I do like words, however, so I would hold onto thoughts I’ve had or things which would help – like ‘I’m okay’ or ‘One Day At A Time’, which I drew at the beginning of this year after therapy. Telling yourself just one day at a time works wonders!

(Which, past Emily, is a positive quote!) (Don’t tell her, she’d be mortified!)

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I think what’s changed is that I’ve allowed positive quotes to help me.

I don’t need more bad energy surrounding me, I’ve got enough of that in my brain. So what if it’s cheesy?! So what if these positive quotes isn’t how any of us are feeling?! It doesn’t mean it’s fake, it means your trying.

It’s the difference in someone telling you to just give up, life is hard, or to help yourself because it’s worth it.

There’s just too many dark paths to go down, all I can do is stick to a route that’s genuine to me but try and have that torch, that light to guide me.

Hold onto a crystal, re-read your favourite book, pray, listen to an album on repeat, cover your bedroom in fairy lights, go for long walks, cuddle your favourite teddy

or

embrace positive quotes.

Because you’ve just got to.

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The way I tidy (the wrong way)

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Spoon full of sugar, and all that.

I still have to find the fun and make tidying a game, Mary Poppins knew her stuff..

You know the millions of personality tests, I’m always the type who has messy surrounds and is not only is fine with it, can thrive creatively in it. I’m also the type that the ‘really neat’ type gets infuriated about – I know more of those people.

I had to have a little tidy today though, my bedroom is also a somewhat office and so although everywhere has a place, the place is just everywhere. That really should be my slogan.

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I’m very good at treating and rewarding myself, I think it’s something anxiety has taught me. So the way I tidy is I do some of the boring bit, then I do a nice thing. And so on.

Netflix on too, has to be done. Happy Valley. I liked it. Has to be background noise though otherwise I’d just tidy my bed and make a nice cosy circle to watch it from with a cup of tea.

Netflix on, slippers on – put away clean clothes – light a candle – tidy the bags of bits I’m selling…

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Find a receipt from Bruge, Belgium, McDonald’s and instantly send a photo to the boyfriend…

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Then send him photos of how clear the floor looks…

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Then have a cup of coffee…

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And decide to clutter up the newly cleared desk and start cutting up some art prints…

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Water my beloved plants…

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Take photos of a frame I refurbished…

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And write a blog post (right now)…

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Soooo, I may flit from one thing to the next and get distracted but at least its a little bit better and I don’t have to jump over things just to get out the door.

Till a couple of days time that is.

 

 

 

High five to small successes and hello to new packaging

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At the end of August this year something metaphorically kicked me up the arse. Not enough time has passed for hindsight, so I won’t ponder on the whys of what happened – all I know is that something happened and it made me start selling on the internet.

I’m not selling anything to you now, by the way. I know that feeling of dread when you feel like you’ve being swindled.

So I sell on etsy and ebay. Not massive rewards and I’m learning each day. I also have days where I just can’t be bothered and whatever is kicking me up the bum seems to have put on a slipper.

But wanting to be true to myself, and myself likes pretty things, I wanted to hand make packaging – just a little print and on the back I will write ‘thank you’. This was at the very beginning, one of the first things I did, and, like I said, it was all a massive shrug of the shoulders.

Well, about 20 parcels later..

..I’ve had to make my second lot.
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And this post was not going to be about this feeling in my body right now, just that I made some pretty pictures that go along with any package, but it feels good. I didn’t see it as a success till I started writing it up.

But if you don’t celebrate small successes what’s the point?!

So last night I packaged up my two leaf stamp wall hangings I made and they’re off in the postal system somewhere, with the last original print.

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And my new prints?! Well, if England’s sky wasn’t so orange right now – like is this a hurricane or aliens? – I’d take some photos in natural lighting. It’s not meant to be, even though it’s only 4 pm while I write this (we’ve gone from a sunny October day to this spooky, orange, darkness all in a couple of hours. Now all I can ask is whether Hocus Pocus actually happening?).

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Oh how gimmicks work on me

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A bottle of wine with rustic packaging.

A positive quote in fancy lettering.

Make up endorsed by a celeb.

A yellow phone.

Anything to do with Harry potter.

And now

Reading glasses that mention my favourite book on the packaging.

I don’t actually need glasses, but I went for an eye test and apparently my eyes aren’t as perfect as I once thought they were. Especially my left eye. I keep getting awful headaches and she suggested its working on computers all day and I can get weak glasses to give my eyes a break. I won’t be using them continuously, only when it starts to hurt at the computer or reading.

I wanted to buy some nice ones, rather than Poundland ones that my family buy that get thrown around and sat on daily. I had big, old, geeky ones in mind. You know the type, fashionable ones I suppose. Turns out I just can’t get them to suit me. I have a hat face, not a glasses face.

Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte, is my number one, top dog, the bees knees, and the rest of them sayings, all time favourite book. My copy, which was bought from a boot fair when I was 18 for 20p, is falling apart and looking worse for wear. It’s probably my most prised book.

I don’t collect as much stuff to do with Jane Eyre as I do Harry Potter (it’s hard not to go anywhere without seeing something Harry Potter nowadays) but I do have a card on my shelf to do with the Bronte sisters – You’re On It Like A Bronte Bonnet! 

When I saw these in TKMaxx, and James told me time and time again that the smaller ones suited me better, it was like the stars had aligned and I could live my gothic, romantic dreams. Whilst James gives me strange looks out the corner of his eye. Just imagine it.

So what’s these glasses got to do with Jane Eyre?! 

I have no idea.

Other than that warm feeling I get in thinking I have something associated with it. That’s clearly enough to make me buy them.

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My quick DIY – free autumn decor

 

IMG_5363After collecting acorn caps yesterday, I had a little crafting session while catching up on some YouTube. I’m sure there was a cup of tea, so lets say there was just to set the scene.

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It took me a while to make the ball of acorns but I plan to make more in the future – does this mean I’ll have to collect more?! Damn! Well, if I have to collect more then I’ll have to. It’s not like my favourite thing in the world, or anything.

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A welly full of acorn caps

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This morning I wanted to go on a mission for the last remaining conkers, for decoration and in hopes they’d rid our house of spiders. Instead, my Mum took me to a gold mind of oak trees.

I still pick up conkers and pine cones but I couldn’t tell you the last time I’ve picked up acorn caps – never the actual acorn, too many experiences of finding maggots in them.

Why have they gone under the radar for me? I think I’d more likely stamp on them on purpose than collect them. And they’re so pretty. Also, my Mum said the trees don’t produce acorns every year, fun fact for the day.

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Without a bag, we ended up using my little brothers welly to carry them. (He wasn’t with us, we didn’t make him hop around just for my gain.)

So, today is the day that I appreciate acorn caps and make some sort of craft or decor with them, along with these real leaves. Tomorrow you will find out what I decided to do, but, for now, I still have no idea.

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Time to retire my sandals

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People dressed up for a snow storm. Snowflake prints, fluffy hoods. Boots, ankle and knee high. Cold wind pushing along the fallen leaves.

And here I am, trying to prolong the use of my favourite sandals.

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At least there are women in cardigans, children walking to school without their jackets, sunglasses, bare legs, harem trousers, people lingering in no rush, short sleeve shirts, car windows open. My shoulders don’t feel as lonely now.

I have warm arms, a warm middle and a belly full of warm tea, while the podcast Accused is playing from my phone. Waiting for James while I people watch and write. A few of my favourite things.

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