Over the years I’ve documented this field and my walks in it. I walked it in slippery mud, in crops taller than me, read The Power Of Now in it, collected things found and, as you could imagine, lost weight. I haven’t been since I joined the gym, which is a bloody shame really, but this evening with nothing to do and the sun suddenly shining after a dreary day, I went for a glorious stroll on my own. Glorious.
I didn’t plan on taking photos but I can never help myself with this field. I only had my phone though. What a good way to end a day.
As I’ve moved yet again (I’ve moved a lot in the last 5 years, that’s weird to look back on, but this time its only to a bigger room) I thought I’d share a few photos from my teenage bedroom in comparison to the one I just moved out of. I fully moved out of it 2012 when these photos were taken, which meant my photo wall disappeared, and to be fair that’s all I cared about and basically all I took photos of when I left. And to also be fair again, best way to be, my entire room was covered in photos so not sure why I always called one wall my photo wall when the others were equally covered. Teenagers, ay?! Mental.
Let us begin.
May 2012 – taken aged 21 but room decorated aged 14-19
November 2016 – aged 25
I don’t think there’s a huge difference between that room and the one I just moved out of. Less experimental with photos maybe. More ‘adult’ now. I used to cut photos out, overlap them, use masking tape to stick them to the wall, group them into colours or feeling. It was eclectic and a lot, I wish I could have captured all of it in one frame. Now I have collected artwork which I’ve framed, and have more items I’ve made. I see my old, old room as a blank canvas or a lesson which helped refine how I like to style, which I’m still learning (homes are never finished), and it may not seem important in the slightest but having creative and experimental surroundings feel comforting to me. Having a generic room isn’t comforting, it feels off and not myself, but the way I style is not for everyone, it’s definitely not for my family, but I like that.
I hadn’t finished this bedroom I just left, I was just getting started but I wanted this room I’m in now so bad. Already it feels good. I think it’s a positive change, and I’m seeking all the positivity I can get right now.
I transformed my last bedroom drastically to what it was before, and I’ve already changed this new one completely with the layout compared to how my brother had it. I go with my gut, decorating is important and fun to me, but I like it to be completely how I want it, not anyone else. There’s a ‘practical space’ that would work for everyone, then there’s a ‘practical space’ that suits me and my needs. It has to feel right. I haven’t painted but I don’t think I’m done with having grey walls yet. I need to live here for a bit then it’ll hit me round the face how I want to decorate, and I thrive on that inspiration.
I couldn’t describe to you what I’m interested in when it comes to photography. It’s a general question that’s asked from other photographers, and it’s totally understandable because I’m interested in what you do too, but how can I answer it when the answer is so wide open?
My reply is pretty similar to this;
Erm.. It’s kind of hard to explain. I don’t do it professionally, once upon a time I wanted to but when I realised the best way to earn a living would be weddings and advertising I was instantly switched off.. I do personal projects, about like.. actually you probably wouldn’t find it interesting, and I’m not sure what purpose they would be for, I just do them and don’t share them – at least not yet. I like a meaning behind them, but I also just like them to look pretty.. That sounds dumb, obviously they have to look somewhat good. I’d like to sell photos I think, but completely on my terms, which is very stubborn I know. I often document things, important things to me, which I assume probably means that’s my favourite form..
Erm.. and.. I don’t give a fudge about the equipment I use.
Pause… Are you still breathing?
If you are the type very interested in the equipment, just hear me out.
I’m 25, so yes my style will probably grow. I know my ideas have grown since college, aged 16-18, but even then I was never the type to be interested in the digital side of the medium. It was so clear seeing which aspect sparked up someone’s passion from the work they handed in, or how they dealt with an assignment. Like school, there were labels for what kind of photographer you were – though not a fan of labels myself. So rather a ‘geek’ or ‘popular’ there were the ones that were interested in having the best SLR, the ones who liked fashion, the ones who liked sport, the ones in it for the money, the ones to liked film, the ones who didn’t really know what they liked, and then the ones who were in the same group as me – but I still don’t know what that’s called. I knew what I liked and disliked, but I suppose the simplest way to describe it would be I liked to capture something that had some meaning to me.
Now, after years of not doing it to complete an assignment, and finding my own inspiration while still not wanting to be a professional photographer, to me photography is a very quick moment in time that I wish to capture. Obvious answer, but I literally mean that. The way my brain works, if I’m somewhere and I see a frame I want to take a photo instantly of what I see. Right. Then. I don’t want to pause and think, I don’t want to take loads of photos trying different angles, I don’t want to keep going until I have the ‘perfect’ photo. It’s not about the perfect photo. It’s a snap of the finger. It’s a flash of lightening, a jolt, something has shaken up the Earth for one second and the need in me wants to photograph that inspiration. The feeling is very quick and can disappear just as fast. It’s a feeling of elation, or hope, a spark, I see something that has stirred a feeling in me and I want to capture that very moment, not a few seconds after.
Obviously I’m not that quick, I’m not super human, it’s not a stressed out situation where I faff to get my camera out and then ‘damn, I’ve missed it!’ but instead I take the photo and move on. This is also bearing in mind that I have my ‘photography goggles’ on – I’m out with the purpose of taking photographs, it’s in my hand or close reach, and in the back of my mind I’m naturally framing everything I see so if find that spark of inspiration comes along I’m ready. I also wouldn’t take a photo if I don’t find it. This all being said, I hope you realise I’m talking about my personal photography rather than if I were taking a photo of a product or something specific where you actually have to get the ‘perfect’ shot.
I just find it so fascinating and liberating how a camera can capture how you view the world. At college everyone in my class would take a photo differently of the same object, and it’s wonderful to think this tool you have – whether it’s a crappy one or the best money can buy – can show others what you’re seeing, and you can read so much into a person because of that. Growing up wanting to be a photographer got confusing because I wanted to be the best I could be (and when I couldn’t I would give in), I wasn’t even sure what direction I wanted to go or how I wanted to frame something so I could be ‘different’ or ‘perfect’. It doesn’t have to be about perfection, that pressure can disappear, and it doesn’t have to be a competition. Just tell a story. You forget how simple it can be – you can get your own style by just being yourself.
I believe you can suck the life out of a photo so much that there’s nothing real left and there’s no meaning, and that’s a mistake I don’t like to achieve.
Now this is where my Olympus Trip comes in. I know I said I don’t care about equipment – I want to tell the story, not what I took the story on – but this amazing little camera works wonders for this style. I love it so much, I value it enormously, it has naturally become my go to camera. I got it from one of my best friends for my 17th birthday, and she bought it from a boot fair for a couple of quid – before they got popular. When we were at college together we were always experimenting with all different equipment, manly film, but we would literally just play with cameras or in the studio, and somehow our teacher allowed us to because I suppose he saw us learning even if we thought we were just playing.
Along the years I just learnt how to use this camera really well. I can choose the focus easily and quickly, and it’s usually right. I started viewing every shot I made on any camera through the eyes of my trippy, and over time whatever I hoped to come out would come out as I wanted. I was always better with film, even at college, but with Mr Trip something clicked. It was definitely trial and error though the years, don’t get me wrong even now there are dud photos, we just have learnt to morph together. What tops it off is that the colours are beautiful, if using film wasn’t so expensive I would without a doubt use it constantly – unfortunately it’s not practical enough for everyday things I need to photograph.
So when I say photography has developed into an emotional thing for me and its more about the feeling I felt at that time, this camera will win every time, hands down, in helping me capture that.
This is my long winded answer to what I’m interested in. I’ve found when I’m asked I can’t give that person the discussion about equipment that they thrive on. It seems funny to me, I don’t care what I use, I just want to get the shot. Personally, I’m not interested in the equipment, and I’m happy that I’ve found a camera I can work with so well. I haven’t found a way to say any of this quickly and that doesn’t offend or disinterest the other person, but maybe it doesn’t matter. Whether you see photography as an art form or not, we are still on the same side. Express yourself however you want.
My last shift in a photo centre is on Saturday. I’m going to miss those Charlie’s Angels. New starts brings out reflection in me.
Pick your own pumpkins; awesome. Donation from the profits go to a charity; perfection!
At first this post was going to be photographs my friend and I (mainly her) took from a great day out, but when we left and a volunteer farmer told us that a donation of the profits goes to charity – Crohn’s and Colitis UK & Crohn’s in Childhood Research Association – I was all in. I wanted to buy more pumpkins. I wanted to build a house out of them.
Instead I’m recommending them to anyone interested – PYO Pumpkins, Riverside Farmers. I’m not in anyway affiliated to them, just think it’s super cool and if you were going to buy a few this Halloween, don’t know about you, but I’d personally much prefer my money go to this. (Plus it’s super cheap)
We bought a lot, needless to say, so stay tuned for some creative posts in the future. I wasn’t planning on doing anything to do with Halloween, it’s not my thing, but autumn is my thing. Our lot came to £10 (this wheelbarrow) and I’m no cook, so once my partner has finished cooking with the ones he wants, I can use them as decoration. The white ones are definitely mine though, or technically my little brothers to decorate. Yay! Everyone’s happy.
Once upon a time I lived in Malta. It seems like such a long time ago, many memories are long faded or at least starting to curl at the corners. I was having a look at my old flickr account and all these photos are on there, but I’ve never shared them on my blog. Here are a few of my favourite photos I took in 2012, along with the descriptions I gave them at the time. It’s a nice scrapbook of thoughts I had at the time.
A self portrait, with my current notebook which is always by my side. I’m starting to like the blank walls in my flat.
A very worn out book. It’s dying for a rest. As you can tell, it’s one of my favourites and so it came to Malta with me last year. Of course it has a return ticket.
The pages are falling out and some parts are unreadable, and I am aware that this book is still on sale, I haven’t got the only copy in the world, and I actually bought it at a boot sale for 20p. But this is the copy of when I first ever read this story, that’s unchangeable and not replaceable, and there’s something special about that.
Too cold for a dip, too pretty to walk away.
I’m worried that I’ll miss this place too much and that I haven’t embraced it enough. Easy answer, start to embrace it more. This in mind, I’ve began to walk a little slower, take longer glances and just simply sit down and be a part of the scene in front of me. You can’t look at everything through a camera for it to remain a memory, you have you place yourself where you are, and realise that you too are a drop of water in a big ocean
My bedroom ceiling isn’t flat.
I’ve had a few letters, cards and packages since I’ve been here, this isn’t all of them. It’s amazing how happy they make me when they come through my letter box:)
Like mother, like daughter.
I now know where I get it from. Not the tash, the humour.
Fly with me.
look up, look down, look all around.
up in the air and on the ground.
A fraction of the whole.
These ants kept walking back and fourth in a straight line. I am unaware of what they were doing, and I will never know, but it seemed very important to them.
I have many incomplete projects. They are very important, to me. Some are almost down on paper, one or two are fully explained in a notebook in such detail that it doesn’t make sense, and sadly most of them are only in my head. But they are so real and important, it seems impossible for them to mean nothing to anyone else, for it to be only an uninteresting line I’m walking along.
It made me realise I’ve got to get a move on, and create what I want to create. Otherwise these feelings and thoughts will just be more fading dreams.
Every time I use film I’m reminded why I love it so much. I full on heart-eye-emoji and cartwheel all over it.
This camera has been about for a while, it’s nothing new and exciting like when they first came out in Urban Outfitters – I can’t be the only teenager that would only go in there to gawk at the cameras and ‘quirky’ stuff. I’ve owned it/took from my brother and never thought too much of it other than it being a gimmick. I’ve used it on and off over the years, it’s pretty cool looking back – in the future I’ll make a post comparing photos from when I was 16 and now at 25, using the same cameras. There’s clearly so much you can do with this little guy that I haven’t explored yet, these are just random snaps taken over a few months.
But the photos taken on the overcast day, like YES, right?! Just yes. Yes. Detective/looks like we just buried a body/horror film/did I fall over or something? I have no memory of it. All of the above could have happened. I’m not at liberty to say.
There’s definitely more photos to come, currently loading a film camera as we speak. Not really. Let’s pretend I am. Clearly I’m typing.