I don’t realise I’m buzzing off a creative live wire until I notice that the person I’m rambling at hasn’t spoken much in our conversation, but continuously and politely nodding. Depending on how much spark is left often dictates how I go from there, but it’s usually followed up with an all too English apology. It’s all okay for those who know me though, they come to expect it, and I wouldn’t generally share ideas with people I’m not close to. Besides, I don’t jump around when I go off on a tangent anymore, my Mum dealt with that while I was growing up; she used to call me Tigger.
Maybe others are more in tune with themselves, but I honestly am unaware when I’m in this state of mind. When I’m not like this I’m a lot better at conversation, I swear. But even when I am going at a million miles an hour and I think this new idea of mine is the best idea I’ve ever had, and it consumes me (it really consumes me), and all I want is to do it right NOW, there’s always a time when I stop.
Doubt is the reason my notebooks are so full but I haven’t executed a quarter of the ideas. Doubt tells me my idea is wrong. Doubt tells me nothing I creative will ever be ‘pinterest’ worthy. That everyone else’s ideas are so superior and that mine are just insignificant, little ants trying to avoid getting trod on by everyone else’s giant-idea-feet. (At least my doubt can be somewhat creative at times.)
Back to reality, if I executed all my ideas I’d have a million failures. Though that would mean a million lessons to learn. Not all ideas are great, only the feeling when getting them is. Doubt keeps us in check sometimes, but it can stunt us, it definitely does it worse on me. For whatever reason this doubt monster stops me in my tracks, and could have stopped me from doing something great, you never know, there comes a time when you realise that you just have to tell it to fuck off, I’m doing it anyway.
So, another self reminder for ‘don’t doubt yourself’. Who’s to say your or my idea is wrong? It’s probably right to you, otherwise why would your brain think of it? Whenever these thoughts creep in, and I’m about to tear up a sheet of paper or completely throw out an idea I literally speak these words to myself, and it bloody works.
Just a few thoughts I wanted to share from my wardrobe covered in self reminders. (I’m not literally sharing them from there, that’s not my hiding place where I write blog posts from. You know what I mean.)