What depression is to me – because sometimes, when you’re depressed, you can only talk about depression. Then laugh at it.

Every bout of depression surprises me like I’m 14 and it’s my first period all over again. Yes, I was a late bloomer and I wish I could feel the jealously of millions of women around the world, if only this thick layer of depression didn’t do exactly as the word says it does. Surely that rich jealously from women would cure any depression? I’ll add it to the list of Reasons I Shouldn’t Be Depressed pinned up in some ignorant fuckers minds. But sadly (the irony) there will be no pinning as I am channelling Ringo Star today and therefore take back any snarky word I’ve said – peace and love, peace and love.

It’s like a ghost tapping on my shoulder when I’m really engrossed in an activity. I’m mindlessly scooting or painting a tree branch and BOO. Except there’s no BOO, there’s nothing to see, just empty space, no proof for others of what just happened in my brain. I’m still looking over my shoulder though, there has to be a culprit. I’m looking over my shoulder just to prove to you that something is going on and I’m not just crazy. I’m looking over my shoulder to see if others are also looking over their shoulders. I must be surrounded by people that also feel like Nearly Headless Nick just passed through them. These Dementors are real, I swear. J.K. wasn’t lying. You understand, right? You have to understand. What do you mean we are all different? You don’t like Harry Potter? Oh, wow, that just tops it all off. Well, I’m in Hufflepuff, I’ll have you know. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT A HUFFLEPUFF IS? Depression gone, replaced with rage. That cured it. Peace and love, peace and love.

I moved my entire room around yesterday. It’s unimportant to what I’m writing other than the hilarity that I was breaking down in tears every 10 minutes. Why, you ask? Are you due to bleed from your vagina, or do you have a little human growing in said vagina? Nah. Apparently moving heavy furniture by yourself does this to you. You don’t know, maybe every person who has ever moved furniture by themselves has just cried the entire time, and I’m the first person brave enough to admit it. Or, and a much more reasonable answer, my body decided to not sweat from my armpits, but rather from my eyes. I have no memory of smelling so it probably is true. I mean, The Flight Of The Conchords didn’t write the song I’m Not Crying for no reason. Needless to say, this time round the depression seems to be a bit more random and spontaneous. Oh, how exciting! A spontaneous depression.

I’m not stopping doing things. My bed is my friend but tonight I’m going rock climbing. Tomorrow James and I are going for a picnic in a park that we have only briefly visited once before, but I’m a little unsure about it. It looks like a place people would go dogging, and I’m not sure that I want to be sitting there eating a scotch egg while there’s people dogging in the bushes next to me. Might put me off my food, you know? Spreading my philly as they’re spreading their… Or dipping into my houmous as they’re dipping into… It’s best if I stop that there. I just envision a sudden break down of crying on my part, still eating my cherry tomatoes between sobs as they start to taste more and more salty from my tears rolling down my face, which makes me cry more, then, softly at first, you hear moaning. Then louder and louder as my cries match the volume and pitch. One bush apart from each other – immense joy and immense pain.

Now I re-read the part about us only briefly visiting this park before, sounds like we were the ones dogging.

This is where my sad and tired brain is at. It is what it is. Peace and love.

 

Cup

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Nerd alert.

This is the Triwizard Cup. I warned you.

Those that don’t know what that means probably don’t care, but don’t leave, it’s cool, I’m cool, we’re cool. Cool.

For this weeks Day Tripper craft I had strict guidelines, which I gave myself. I didn’t realise how hard it would be to create a Harry Potter themed item without it appearing to be Harry Potter, which sounds mental, but that’s what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to do traditional colours nor something obvious, so even those who don’t know Harry Potter recognise the ‘brand’. I did want it to represent a house, but also I didn’t, you know, life can be so hard sometimes (I joke!). But I got there in the end, and what makes this craft so wonderful to me is the secret! Oh the secret, you make me feel like a little kid again.

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So this is the back of the picture. Shhh! Oi, I said shush! Thank you.

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What’s the secret compartment for?

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For our names to be put into because it’s the Triwizard Tournament! And for whoever finds it to put their name in. (I am aware I didn’t do the Goblet of fire, which is what the names actually go in, but it doesn’t have such a pretty outline.) And yes, Glenda put ‘Ravenpuff’ as her house, because she couldn’t decide, even though Pottermore put her in Ravenclaw. Sophie thought it sounded like a sexual orientation.

I also did the frame myself.

Anyway, this is enough geeking out for one day. Come back tomorrow for Day Tripper #4, and see where I left this craft.

Over and out, Emily x

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