Knitting the same thing for over 2 years

I could be cruel and post photos of me in sunny Morocco from a long two weeks ago, while it’s currently snowing outside, and that dark temptation played on my mind for a long while.

Instead I listened to the angel on my right shoulder and have decided to share my blanket I’ve been knitting for a few years.

Imagine your face being stroked by the soft material, seeing as it can’t be by the sun.

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I am not a consistent knitter. It’s for me when my fingers are jittery but I don’t want a big project. Also, tends to be when I’m in a bit of a slump and am trying to comfort myself with creative things.

This blanket is like an old friend. I’m not consistent but the blanket is.

 

 

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An evening of creative busyness

Maker:S,Date:2017-10-10,Ver:6,Lens:Kan03,Act:Lar02,E-Y

I had such a fun afternoon yesterday.

After a slow morning of knitting, it was a fully creative evening, like the ones I hope to do everyday but instead always choose the easier option of procrastinating, eating crap and watching YouTube.

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I really needed it too. I don’t need to say how down I’ve been, the fact I’m depressed anyway and I haven’t blogged in three weeks means you can conclude it for yourself. I gift you creative control on that decision.

It started with re-potting some plants I’ve grown myself, for birthday presents, while listening to Twenty One Pilots live at Firefly festival, and watching my 4 year old brother head bang to it.

While I was re-potting one (and a disaster happened to it, but I won’t share today) I decided I may as well do all of them. I then rummaged around the house to find bowls and tins to be used as pots. It feels so much nicer to use something you already own, or find a new use for, than buying a new pot. I don’t know why that is.

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I wrote tags for the ones I’m giving away, then as I was fertilising all my plants there was an orange glow radiating from all the windows and sitting about the house. I don’t believe we’ve seen a golden hour in a while.

Maybe we have but my beyond my dark blinkers I couldn’t see it.

I decided for the rest of the evening – after arm wrestling with my brother to convince him to eat his pasta – to finally upload my moon faces onto Etsy ( – From Miles – ) which, if you have never sold anything online, can be so, so tedious. The most boring part out of the whole process.

BUT, I had decided all my Moon Faces have names and back stories. And so, I had soooo much fun writing them. I was laughing out loud. It was a proper creative exercise. It reminded me of when I was 16 and I’d write short stories for my friends in similar fashion.

 

 

I’ve uploaded 7 so far, go have a look if you’re curious at my sense of humour and who these Moon Faces really are.

I hope to be back at posting almost daily – but who can ever know when mental health is riddled between every line in my brain. I have my Morocco trip to write about and in my own time I’ll get to it because I enjoy blogging about travel so much – spoiler: Marrakesh markets are mental.. pretty obvious.

Anyway, thanks for reading and here’s to more creative days!

Maker:S,Date:2017-10-10,Ver:6,Lens:Kan03,Act:Lar02,E-Y

Reasoning

I’m going through a phase of needing quiet.

I suppose I need peace. But the next best thing is quiet.

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I struggle with the thought of ‘what’s the point in doing anything?’ Everything is trivial and meaningless really, once we die. I don’t say this to be a downer – though, naturally, it is a downer.

I fight this conflict all the time. It’s why some days I do nothing. Absolutely nothing.

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Today though I needed a walk in my favourite fields, to clear away the fog and cobwebs, and although it was freezing (literally freezing, it’s been snowing this week) it helped me hugely.

Just feeling the sun on my face.. it’s hard to explain. I don’t need to explain anyway.

I realised

there’s no point to anything but you can’t be happy doing nothing.

It’s simple, but as I’ve been realising recently, the best things are.

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I’ve slacked on reading for a while now and to get back into it I started with some Roald Dahl. I then went onto The Secret Garden. The quote ‘where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow’ has stuck with me. So for two packages I’m sending to friends for Valentine’s Day I included a postcard of this quote that I drew, with a note on the back reminding them to keep the magic within them.

Snapshot of my December 2017

Learnt I have great aim…

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Fell in love with Edinburgh…

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Had a blast with my little bro all month…

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Despite being constantly busy, found a spare minute for the odd craft here and there…

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Took part in many festivities…

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A lot of alcohol, a lot of pubs, a lot of dancing…

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And snow.

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All this along with a fainting Mum, a trip to the hospital for little bro, many last minute trips to finish off presents, another broken phone (RIP photos), depression kicking my arse for a few days, a flu that has spread around my family and has finally reached me AND a partridge in a pear tree Christmas Day.

This year has been wicked.

What have you been up to? Looking after my mental health and cute penguins

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This week on whybut has been different. At first it annoyed me, not going to lie, but turns out how I want to be and how I am are two very different things.

I want to be clear headed 24/7 and able to do all the things I want, but I simply can’t.

I get low, then I get extremely happy, and then back down etc etc. And along with the ride I get so frustrated, I hate the numb days, I hate hopelessness, I want to be something else.

*You’re never going to be someone else*

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It’s too complex to go into, plus I can’t be asked.

I’m just being my own best friend, that’s all. And I love to comfort her with Sky Arts Landscape Artist of the Year and Jonathon Creek.

I obviously want to continue to fight the depression and anxiety, but I still need to be at peace with it – some days I can climb over it and sometimes I need to stay on the mountain and make it my home. It can’t be a negative anymore because it’s been years and years now and I should just accept it’s part of my path.

I have depression. I HAVE DEPRESSION! That’s fine.

Anyway, less suppression, more acceptance. That’s been my week.

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Along with it I’ve realised I can’t write out do to lists for future days, or plan it because when that day comes my mood might not want to do it – and I don’t need guilt on top of other negative feelings.

So this week my book has turned into an essential part of my working, but not with words – more like a pallet or backdrop.

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Still successful. I did stuff that was under each category – lifestyle, work and personal.

I made these wonderfully, weird penguin acorn caps, which I will be turning into baubles and will be up on my etsy soon.

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I also finished these two photo wall hangings – after the other two selling – and they are up on my etsy shop.

Other than that my bedroom is a shit hole, I’ve forgotten to clean my teeth today and I’m treating myself to a takeaway pizza tonight. Yipeeeee!

 

 

What you been up to? Self care, getting crafty and a whole load of photos in my ‘November’ album

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– Fetch a cup of tea before reading –

Week one and I can say my mind is calmer.

I suppose my ‘whybut’ idea is like a bullet journal, except it’s more random and messy – which suits me to a T. As soon as there are rules or too much structure I just walk away. I don’t want an empty space screaming ‘YOU DIDN’T FILL OUT MONDAY!’

I wrote down a list of things I want to do that week – under work, lifestyle and personal. Then each day I’d pick what I want to do (and added more) and wrote a separate to do list.

I didn’t do it every day this week, so by accident I have evidence how doing this cleared my mind and not only helped me be more productive – but made me feel satisfied. Which is all I want from this.

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It stayed on my desk, so it is technically unnecessary when it comes to lifestyle lists. Plus most of my lifestyle – socialising, going out – is impulsive. So this book will only be handy with lifestyle when it interlinks with one of the other categories. For example, pumpkin picking was lifestyle, but I wanted to do a blog post about it.

Enough about the book – lets sum up what I achieved for the first week.

Got most of my main lists ticked off.

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Made my bleached pine cone table name card holders – but more about that another time.

Finished up this Halloween idea which I can’t share till a years time. Which sounds so bloody awful but it’ll all make sense in January.

Less blog posts as usual, but I had a few bad mental health days – which comes under lifestyle and looking after myself.

Cleared my desk a little, but other than that I’m currently surrounded by mess. I can’t see it when I face the wall. Saturday isn’t over yet anyway.

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It is the 4th of November and I can proudly say my ‘work November 2017’ folder on my computer already has 210 photos in.

Made a tiny start on my rewrite of Chapter two of my book.

And, of course, James and I started Stranger Things season two.


 

In therapy I was taught to write out all my anxious thoughts when I have them. I’ve also heard the technique of talking to yourself, saying your problems out loud – just so it’s out of your head. Then you can start feeling a little better.

This is similar. I constantly think, mainly about things I want to be doing. Like I said in the original post, I often feel guilty when doing one thing and not another. Mindfulness and meditating would probably be handy for this, maybe that should be on my list this week.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that the days I wrote down what I want to do and could achieve, something lifted off my shoulders. It was out of my brain.

No one can do everything at once. I’m guilty of looking at the whole picture. I need to focus in, because nothing seems as such of a big task then.

It’s all alright really.