The sun came out this evening, finally

Over the years I’ve documented this field and my walks in it. I walked it in slippery mud, in crops taller than me, read The Power Of Now in it, collected things found and, as you could imagine, lost weight. I haven’t been since I joined the gym, which is a bloody shame really, but this evening with nothing to do and the sun suddenly shining after a dreary day, I went for a glorious stroll on my own. Glorious.

I didn’t plan on taking photos but I can never help myself with this field. I only had my phone though. What a good way to end a day.

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The conflict of ironing..

..which would seem irrelevant to me because I don’t iron. None of my clothes are ironed, nor my Mums and I’m sure my Nan has told me she hates it so has cut back or stopped. What’s the point then, Emily, what’s the thoughts today?

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It’s a pretty simple one, just that whether people are happier who iron. I often contemplate now today’s generation are so used to getting things instantly, you don’t have to wait. I said to someone the other day that I miss the TV being on when I was young but not watching it because I was waiting a few hours for something, meanwhile I would get on with something important like playdough or barbies. That’s a weird thing to miss but I look back at that and feel relaxed, comforted and it’s just simple. Having anything at my finger tips, having entertainment whenever I want, only means that when it comes to meaningless tasks I am totally put off them because it’s not stimulating enough.

Now it’s balancing itself a little bit, in my opinion. Mindfulness is popular, meditation, people preach digital detoxes, everyone loved kindle and now people prefer books again, the Nokia 3310 is back, minimalism, record players.

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So I wondered if something like ironing is a therapeutic task that keeps you grounded. I completely right it off because I think that I don’t want to waste my time doing something I don’t like. Doesn’t that sound so privileged? Doing things like housework are normal, why do I expect a more adventurous lifestyle than that? I want extraordinary, ironing doesn’t fit the cut.

I don’t believe I’ll want anything less than an adventurous life, I’ve always been like it, I just like to play. I do think it’s possible, I think you can live whatever life you want to live. Exceptions of course, I’m not exactly living how I would like to completely but I understand it’s a process anyway, and that part (being on a journey) is part of my ‘dream life’. So really I’m exactly where I would like to be, because I’m not ready to be anywhere else. My life has to be my dream life by this theory, no matter how shitty or amazing it is currently. Also I have the mindset that I desire, even though I’m not climbing a mountain I have that mindset when I’m climbing the o2 (if you haven’t done it, nothing in common with a mountain) (still recommend it). It’s not a ‘more and more’ mentality, not constantly unsatisfied and wishing, this is where my thought process could become foggy for someone that doesn’t know me. I don’t expect anything from life and I’ve never liked the thought of hand outs. I think its more just try your best, be satisfied, have fun and choose what you want to waste time over – not what you think you should waste time doing.

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My Mum is always trying to find short cuts with menial tasks. That’s kind of her thing. I get it, I don’t want to wash up really, I don’t want to sort my things, I don’t want to iron. Since de-cluttering, though unfortunately still doing it, housework isn’t such a big job. Maybe that is the answer. If you only have four plates and you wash them straight away it’s not that bad, I’ve even enjoy some organising when there isn’t as much to do. Another option is to live a disposable life? I don’t agree with being wasteful but I could have paper cups and plates. Or, and the most attractive option to me, never own a house, live on the road. That’s me romanticising.

These are all ponderings. I have the outlook that if you don’t like doing something you shouldn’t feel like you have to do it. At the same time I have a tendency to go off in my head and live along my wild ideas and plans (is that a bad thing?) and doing something simple like watering my plants (which I bloody love so maybe a bad example) brings me back down to Earth.

I’m not going to iron to see if I like it. I will stick to creased clothes. I still work hard at writing or some DIY I’ve got going on but I don’t want to work hard at stupid things that I can’t for the life of me rationalise. It opened my mind to what we possibly should do though, to keep ourselves grounded and human. So shortcuts are a good thing, I agree with them, but just like finding that balance with how much technology you consume in a day, I think some things should stay old school. I will water my plants by hand, not any fancy contraption, but I won’t iron.

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Seeing The Colours

Story time, gather round, gather round.

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Today I noticed colours.

I watched this video. After viewing it my instant and only reaction was that I need a cat in my life. That thought has been around for a while though so this video did nothing to plant that seed in my head, I just chose to take it as a sign. I won’t act on the sign from the Gods though, I can’t have a kitten right now. I hope they won’t get mad at me.

Then I walked home and I took my usual route. I could walk it with my eyes shut. I was listening to a podcast, which is a new thing I’ve started while walking, and I looked up from the ground and everything looked so different. It’s so hard to explain, it’s almost like when you try to describe a dream to someone but no matter how hard you emphasise a word the other person won’t actually understand. It doesn’t matter how real it was, human, repeating it won’t let me see into your brain. The best way to describe it to myself is that the same thing happened after I read the book The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle. So this difference, in the most basic way of explaining, was not in the sense of because the season had changed and golden leaves had blanketed the ground, but I felt so small. (See, I’m trying to emphasise, but does it work?) You know if you see the world from a foot taller than you are, like you’re on someones back or on a ladder, and you’re like ‘Woah, the world looks so different up here’? Today I felt like I had physically shrunk and was seeing the world from a different view.

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Now, I, the ever analysing Emily, questioned what had happened to make me view the world different. I had watched a lot of videos this morning, one after the other, that had dived deep into my brain and lead to a lot of discussions. So it went from the mindfulness video to this video about racism. God, I love these sorts of discussions, I ramble about equality after things like this – which judging from my past, could show how mentally ill I am at the moment. When I’m at my worse, suffering with depression and anxiety, I’m completely focused on the negative things of the world which are unjust. I become a spokesperson in my own mind without a conclusion, other than I know how to live a correct life for myself.

Point being, I questioned what happened for me to feel so small – not in mind, only physically. Possibly it was just because I don’t look up enough? I’ve practised mindfulness off and on, so I do try to live by it but I humanly forget and forget that I forget. After a morning analysing physiological experiments, is it that far off the mark to say that mindfulness video, or possibly any of these videos, did change how I viewed the world today, subconsciously? I could have been so present I looked up (without even realising I don’t often look up) and that saw the world for what it is. But my reaction was just simply ‘I feel so small’.

I said I could walk this route with my eyes shut, and maybe I actually do.