I’m going through a phase of needing quiet.

I suppose I need peace. But the next best thing is quiet.


I struggle with the thought of ‘what’s the point in doing anything?’ Everything is trivial and meaningless really, once we die. I don’t say this to be a downer – though, naturally, it is a downer.

I fight this conflict all the time. It’s why some days I do nothing. Absolutely nothing.


Today though I needed a walk in my favourite fields, to clear away the fog and cobwebs, and although it was freezing (literally freezing, it’s been snowing this week) it helped me hugely.

Just feeling the sun on my face.. it’s hard to explain. I don’t need to explain anyway.

I realised

there’s no point to anything but you can’t be happy doing nothing.

It’s simple, but as I’ve been realising recently, the best things are.


I’ve slacked on reading for a while now and to get back into it I started with some Roald Dahl. I then went onto The Secret Garden. The quote ‘where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow’ has stuck with me. So for two packages I’m sending to friends for Valentine’s Day I included a postcard of this quote that I drew, with a note on the back reminding them to keep the magic within them.


The sun came out this evening, finally

Over the years I’ve documented this field and my walks in it. I walked it in slippery mud, in crops taller than me, read The Power Of Now in it, collected things found and, as you could imagine, lost weight. I haven’t been since I joined the gym, which is a bloody shame really, but this evening with nothing to do and the sun suddenly shining after a dreary day, I went for a glorious stroll on my own. Glorious.

I didn’t plan on taking photos but I can never help myself with this field. I only had my phone though. What a good way to end a day.


My Top Tips To Stay Present


I am at the start of my journey of being in the now. That doesn’t mean where I am at is more or less important to where I want to be some day. You can only live the present.

It can be amazingly hard to stay present, every part of myself wants to resist it. Occasionally I win and I can switch off the past and future, and those magical moments really encourage me to continue through to the next time I can win again. The peace I have felt has been mind blowing, bearing in mind I was in a dark place before I had this break through. I was at the bottom of a pit with no hope, then I broke through to normal life, though rather stay there for a bit I carried on soaring off into the atmosphere. Kinda. In ‘The Power of Now’ it says you are closest to enlightenment when you are broken, because the ego is broken, which almost contradicts what I said. So possibly instead of soaring up out of this pit, I found another way out which was underneath me, or a hole in the wall like in ‘Shawshank Redemption’. The quote ‘crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side’ couldn’t be more appropriate.

Although I say all this, I still struggle to keep out negative thoughts about things that aren’t actually happening at that moment, and it can plague relationships you have with people (you dwell and read into what they have said in the past), feelings can consume you in a never ending vortex in your mind and you don’t look at, enjoy and experience what is going on around you. So for those times I feel this way I have a quick and easy routine to bring me back into the now. You can do this in a crowd, at work or anywhere. Don’t be afraid of possible boredom, it honestly isn’t boring.

Here are my tips, tried and tested, for when you notice your mind is else where and not where it’s meant to be;

  • Start with sounds. Listen to everything going on around you. It’s amazing what you didn’t notice before.
  • Look at everything. Really look. Observe. Look and listen.
  • Notice how your body physically feels at that moment. How it feels to be sitting/walking, what your skin is touching, whether it’s clothing or the sun. Once you get to the tingly feeling you are on the right track.
  • Concentrate on your breathing.
  • And if your mind drifts off to other thoughts calmly bring yourself back to reality and start listening and looking again. It’s not a problem, it’s cool, it happens. Chill.

If I am feeling particularly anxious or annoyed for a reason I can’t identify or solve, and I’m still struggling to calm down after the first steps, I speak to myself.

I say (in my head of course);

  • “You don’t feel that.”
  • “Step out of that feeling, it’s your mind creating it, that isn’t what is happening right now.”
  • “It’s not reality.”
  • “You’re okay.”

It is totally possible to stop what you are feeling and just be calm. Just allow it.

“All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”

Eckhart Tolle