February adventure box

Yes, it’s late.

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In January I shared my adventure box idea – a gift to each couple in my family of a whole years worth of fun – and today I’m finally sharing Feb. Don’t get me wrong, during February I kept thinking ‘oh, I better do that’ and always shrugging it off because there was always more time.

WRONG! February has the least amount of time.

I knew this, I’ve lived 26 February’s, and yet here I am, on March the 12th (which if Feb had 31 days, it would still be March the 9th), finally doing it.

(I am very visual and I can’t hold a lot of information in my brain before it flies out. I need a calendar) (like, always by my side) (actually, in front of me) (glued to my eye lids, preferably)

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This month comes with Valentine’s cards for them to make, candles, a print of their initials and a pancake recipe for pancake day.

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I pride myself on my honesty, and I can honestly tell you I have never, ever made pancakes before. I have no bliming clue how this recipe tastes. Funny that, considering I wrote it…

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So that was last month for you and I may even be wild this month and post it THIS MONTH. Let’s not hold ourselves to anything, yeah? The best way.

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Snapshot of my January 2018

Successfully did Veganuary with this guy…

emily and james

 

And ate a lot, a lot of food…

emilyannlou vegan burger and dog

 

Finally begun reading again, in hopes for some quiet…

emilyannlou roald dahl

 

Scooted…

emily scooting

 

And finally, my love for clay deepened…

emilyannlou broken house

 

What have you been up to?

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Or what I like to call ‘Whybut?’

When I have a productive/successful week I feel pretty good about myself. When I don’t… Well, I’m never sure what’s wrong.

I’ve managed to categorise this into three sections. Three sections which if I can balance right will give me the level of satisfaction I need to not question what’s the point with anything.

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Lifestyle.

Work.

Personal.

I’m really not good at balancing them (nothing to do with my perforated ear drum when I was 10. Though that is why my balance is shite.) Most of my decisions in my life are based upon what I’m currently obsessed with (really not disciplined) and the chosen one for that week is usually under one of these categories.

So my week is centred around that. A week of tidying and redecorating. A week of writing my book. A week of sorting out things to sell. A week of writing blog post after blog postA week of writing my book.

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These three sections, altogether, create a happy life for me.

Could you imagine if I could sort myself out to do something from each section in a week?!

I am imaging it and that would be a perfect week for me. Rounded. Then hopefully I wouldn’t feel guilty when I concentrate fully on one thing. No more thoughts of ‘I really need to do this’ while I’m currently doing that.

Everything interlinks still and I am guessing that is the way my brain is though, jumps around. But surely because it jumps around I should be able to get the right balance of Lifestyle, Work and Personal.

I’m making a commitment to sum up my week on Fridays (hopefully every week on my blog), a summary of what I’ve achieved because, damn it, I want to achieve them! 

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I know what I’m capable of and I believe in myself – I’m just not really doing it fully.

And being 26 has been so good to me so far, I may as well give myself something back.

Thoughts after pumpkin picking

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You know at the end of the year so many people say ‘it doesn’t feel like Christmas’. Well, I think it doesn’t feel like October. Not only because the weather is all kinds of crazy at the moment, and my plants loving it, but because I don’t feel the same as last October. (Not that my memory is ever good enough to remember that far ago)

Halloween doesn’t mean much to me, so it’s not a momentous occasion (like Christmas) where I can declare ‘it doesn’t feel like Halloween‘, there’s not a bookmark in my brain for this time of year. I can happily say we have been pumpkin picking for 3 years now. Pumpkin picking is now the tradition where I can look back at years past and feel comforted by it or shocked at whoever that person was.

But it’s never that these month are different to other years, it’s not that the magic or thrill has run out, (never say a statement like ‘Christmas is for kids’ or ‘it’s not the same for adults’) it’s just that I’ve been on such a big journey in a year, just like us all, that it doesn’t feel like last October.

That’s all.

I’ve moved in myself. I’ve changed. Always am. No year will feel like the next, and there’s this international sadness that routine and traditions change but really there’s so much excitement in that.

Thoughts on how I’ve embraced positive quotes

I’ve been quite open and honest with my mental health on here in the past, and with everything else in my life, I just go through phases of how much I tell people. At the moment I’m pretty quiet, which I’m not sure is better because do people assume I’m ‘cured’ because I’m not showing it as much? Does that even matter?

Even so, I may be screaming on the inside, just like others are, but I don’t feel like doing that on the outside.

This may be in relation of whether I allow my depression and anxiety to consume me or whether I’m fighting it more. Fighting in the sense of accepting when I feel crap but surrounding myself in happy things.

I have never been one for quotes, and more specifically positive quotes, they just felt.. fake. I hate fake and it felt like I was lying if I were to have something like that around me. I do like words, however, so I would hold onto thoughts I’ve had or things which would help – like ‘I’m okay’ or ‘One Day At A Time’, which I drew at the beginning of this year after therapy. Telling yourself just one day at a time works wonders!

(Which, past Emily, is a positive quote!) (Don’t tell her, she’d be mortified!)

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I think what’s changed is that I’ve allowed positive quotes to help me.

I don’t need more bad energy surrounding me, I’ve got enough of that in my brain. So what if it’s cheesy?! So what if these positive quotes isn’t how any of us are feeling?! It doesn’t mean it’s fake, it means your trying.

It’s the difference in someone telling you to just give up, life is hard, or to help yourself because it’s worth it.

There’s just too many dark paths to go down, all I can do is stick to a route that’s genuine to me but try and have that torch, that light to guide me.

Hold onto a crystal, re-read your favourite book, pray, listen to an album on repeat, cover your bedroom in fairy lights, go for long walks, cuddle your favourite teddy

or

embrace positive quotes.

Because you’ve just got to.