I can happily report that the weather has finally gotten nippy. Why some hate this I’ll never know. As long as I’m wrapped up warm I love it as much I love every season.
I needed more pine cones. Yes, needed. What a sentence. James suggested trying a local woods because we both didn’t have a scooby on where there would be an abundance of pine trees. We lucked out.
They weren’t easy to come by, we had to search for them under the fallen leaves, and when I say we it was mainly James. As you can tell, I was taking photos. What can I say?! It’s a hobby.
I’ve mentioned my bad memory on my blog before but it’s hard for that to come across in words. I could just be saying it or, even worse, I could be saying it in hopes someone would be like no you don’t! Well, well, well, it’s not for an ego boost, I have photographic evidence of it.
I was taking photos of leaves – you know, hobby – and when I got home and looked through them I took photos of the same leaves when walking into the woods and walking out. The same exact ones, I can tell by a red berry next to them. Even the composition is the same. Might not be a big deal, you may be thinking, well have a look at the ground…
On the way out, along with wasting my time looking at the same leaves, we witnessed two squirrels running around up in the tree tops. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a squirrel make a noise before, without realising, but fun fact of the day – it was exactly like The Sword in the Stone. Who else thought that was just a fun/confusingwhenyoureachild part of the film?
Then a few strides ahead we saw about 15 parakeets going mental. It was definitely a bust up, and before you ask, of course we made little voices for them. Barry and Sandra were having a domestic. He’s the jealous type.
Anyway, mission accomplished.
And what’s a blog post without showing my little brother?! (He helped me wash them) (Anything is fun when you’re four).
I had a thought while on a walk today about how it’s important to make an effort with yourself. I’m ever so unorganised and my Mum calls me skanky, which isn’t as big of an insult as you’d think, so I often neglect TLC. I lack in taking care of myself sometimes, I forget the benefits, then every once in a while, for no reason, I do it.
I’ll paint a picture for you before you imagine me dressing as a princess or bathing myself for hours in a natural spa while being fed grapes from above. I was in two day old clothes, I’ve had to stop wearing bras because my anxiety is so bad and let’s say I had washed the day before when you and I both know I didn’t. This is where the ‘skanky’ bit comes into play, I prefer to call it chill, plus I love not wearing bras. So it’s clear to say I hadn’t looked after myself in an appearance way but with the knowledge I was going to walk home from my boyfriends house in the morning I had prepared my current notebook, ear phones and downloaded a few (turns out the exact amount) of Ted Talk podcasts.
I have walked these fields home for years, on this blog I’ve documented it for years, and I’ve never needed any of these things before but almost as a treat to myself, I made a bit of effort.
And these were my thoughts as I began my journey; how it’s important for you to make an effort with yourself.
Then just as I was about to reach my fields (where I had unknowingly planned to sit for a bit and let these thoughts play out in my notebook) the stinging nettles appeared. This was the only entrance to the field – a long, narrow path. I persevered as a Ted Talk was telling me ‘how your brain decides what is beautiful’ in my ears. Certainly not stinging nettles. I had reached the half way point, after being stung all over my body but I looked ahead and it was ridiculously overgrown. There was no way I wouldn’t come out of it without looking like I had accidentally fallen into a nettle bush. Also bear in mind that this path has a metal fence that looks into a plant nursery, and I had definitely noticed out the corner of my eye a few of the workers watching me as I tackled this mission impossible. Sorry, reader, I am not Tom Cruise. I had to turn back. And get re stung by the same nettles.
I never managed to get to sit in a field and come up with some inspiring thoughts for myself. The walk was extended by taking the roads, and so I was, I imagine, 30 minutes more sweaty than I should have been. Sweat really should be measured in time, thinking about it. I was an hour and a half of summer sweat (stronger than winter sweat) by the time I reached home, and after a coffee in the garden, which you add 10 point on top of the hour and half (5 points for the sun in the garden and 5 points for the hot coffee) then another 3 for getting angry at my little brother and nephew fighting: that totals 13 points and an hour and half of sweat. Logic.
After a few reality checks recently and some much needed self reflection, I managed to kick my self up the back side (also did some stretching, clearly) and did some internet work bits at home. These prints are ready and photographed and almost ready to go in my shop From Miles.
When James had finished work we made plans to go fly a kite (as part of my summer goals) but after driving for 15 minutes and sitting in a Sainsbury’s car park we decided there was no wind whatsoever. I’ve never flown a kite before but I’m sure wind is a huge factor in making that happen.
And so no point in going home in the traffic and James had a meeting, so I spent an hour in the car outside. Which is where I’m writing this, including the words I’m writing. Right. Now.
I hope you enjoyed reading about a random day in my life. It ended with going to a pub for dinner, called The Moat in Wrotham – looking like that?! I hear you cry. Don’t worry, I bought dry shampoo in Sainsbury’s, that’s why we were there. But yeah, looking like that. Skanky, see. No, damn, I meant chill. I wear it like a badge of honour. Cheers!
Over the years I’ve documented this field and my walks in it. I walked it in slippery mud, in crops taller than me, read The Power Of Now in it, collected things found and, as you could imagine, lost weight. I haven’t been since I joined the gym, which is a bloody shame really, but this evening with nothing to do and the sun suddenly shining after a dreary day, I went for a glorious stroll on my own. Glorious.
I didn’t plan on taking photos but I can never help myself with this field. I only had my phone though. What a good way to end a day.
Story time, gather round, gather round.
Today I noticed colours.
I watched this video. After viewing it my instant and only reaction was that I need a cat in my life. That thought has been around for a while though so this video did nothing to plant that seed in my head, I just chose to take it as a sign. I won’t act on the sign from the Gods though, I can’t have a kitten right now. I hope they won’t get mad at me.
Then I walked home and I took my usual route. I could walk it with my eyes shut. I was listening to a podcast, which is a new thing I’ve started while walking, and I looked up from the ground and everything looked so different. It’s so hard to explain, it’s almost like when you try to describe a dream to someone but no matter how hard you emphasise a word the other person won’t actually understand. It doesn’t matter how real it was, human, repeating it won’t let me see into your brain. The best way to describe it to myself is that the same thing happened after I read the book The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle. So this difference, in the most basic way of explaining, was not in the sense of because the season had changed and golden leaves had blanketed the ground, but I felt so small. (See, I’m trying to emphasise, but does it work?) You know if you see the world from a foot taller than you are, like you’re on someones back or on a ladder, and you’re like ‘Woah, the world looks so different up here’? Today I felt like I had physically shrunk and was seeing the world from a different view.
Now, I, the ever analysing Emily, questioned what had happened to make me view the world different. I had watched a lot of videos this morning, one after the other, that had dived deep into my brain and lead to a lot of discussions. So it went from the mindfulness video to this video about racism. God, I love these sorts of discussions, I ramble about equality after things like this – which judging from my past, could show how mentally ill I am at the moment. When I’m at my worse, suffering with depression and anxiety, I’m completely focused on the negative things of the world which are unjust. I become a spokesperson in my own mind without a conclusion, other than I know how to live a correct life for myself.
Point being, I questioned what happened for me to feel so small – not in mind, only physically. Possibly it was just because I don’t look up enough? I’ve practised mindfulness off and on, so I do try to live by it but I humanly forget and forget that I forget. After a morning analysing physiological experiments, is it that far off the mark to say that mindfulness video, or possibly any of these videos, did change how I viewed the world today, subconsciously? I could have been so present I looked up (without even realising I don’t often look up) and that saw the world for what it is. But my reaction was just simply ‘I feel so small’.
I said I could walk this route with my eyes shut, and maybe I actually do.
In past posts I’ve word vomited my love for this field. It’s irrational and I should be checked into rehab. No, wait, I take that back instantly! I swear I shouldn’t be on My Strange Addiction, or a documentary of a 25 year old marrying a field. I just enjoy this walking this walk. This blog post has taken a turn. Anyway…
I present to you this field through the seasons. It isn’t in chronological order, that’ll be too much for a self proclaimed non perfectionist, so these are photos from the past two years – from no crops to corn, to present day.
Sidenote for the present day photo: I only wear the sports wear because it makes me feel like I’m doing exercise.